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A recent dinner with a past acquaintance has brought me to a place where I now know a conversation on why-I-even-dressed-up-for-a-dinner-with-a-man-I-had-no-idea-was-married-until-we-were-well-into-dessert is very much needed.
I am a 40-something single woman interested in dating single, heterosexual men yet lately I seem to meet more than the usual of those who are Dating While Married (DWM).
This DWM label fits quite a few—some of whom I have known for years.
For some men and their partners, this lifestyle is more than acceptable.
One he rekindled a relationship with during his proposal to me. I’m more social,” says Mys Quiraa, a 34-year-old couples counselor and founder of Sacred Awakenings. They decided to begin open relating after eight years of ups and downs.
“It’s about not having the control over each other,” she says.
For me, it is not one with which I wish to participate. I do not wish to pass judgment on others’ relationships as I figure there are enough tea leaves for all.
What I would like to propose are a few rules that maybe the more mature crowd—including the grown and sexy set—can adopt for future positive social interactions.
“I typically am not incorrect with what I see when it comes to the desire to expand, and the dynamics of relationships to include other people.For them, the solution is needs met but without letting the wife know.” Seku suggests both parties practice being open.That is, “free and open to date other people, and connect organically.” According to Seku the best approach is when authenticity is key. Jeff Menzise, Doctor of Clinical Psychology and couples coach, is often referred and requested as a neutral party-mediator between couples considering opening up their relationship as a form of enhancement.For instance, if a female seeks advice for an infidelity issue, as an alternative to leaving she may suggest open relating as a form of taking control.She may feel in this scenario this would take care of her mate “sneaking around and creeping.” Menzise feels he is pretty keen on which couple is ready in that said couple presents a solid foundation.
In situations where people who are monogamous say ‘O.k., we’ll be able to work it out’ and their partner alludes to ‘I know what you’re saying, but I’m going to start seeing other people anyway,’ they typically do not succeed.” For those who present with a willingness to try open relating, their reasons vary but may often include incompatible sex drives.